The Primary Colors of Sin
by Guo Muyun
A house church pastor describes his relationship to the classic Chinese novel, Journey to the West, as a metaphor for his own changing worldview.
From the idealism of Communism to his own deconstruction, he argues that this generation's nihilistic worldview will ultimately fail them, and he presents a way out of the tragedies of our lives through the gospel.
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When I heard that someone could forgive my sins and save me from darkness, I believed. After I became a Christian, I was much better. I didn’t fail any more classes during my junior or senior years. Since others were busy taking the graduate entrance exam and lacked motivation to study, I took advantage of the fact and obtained a scholarship. Even though I had no money or experience upon graduation, God looked after me and I got a job as a teacher at a university.
But these favorable circumstances didn’t last long. As someone whose worldview had fallen apart, I couldn’t get used to this completely new life, especially to marriage and family life. I was discouraged and scarred by this fierce battle, and at the same time I perhaps inflicted even greater wounds on my family, especially my wife. In 2009, my life as I knew it came to an end. That year my five-year-old son passed away after suffering for two years. My relationship with my wife also completely fell apart. That year my church also entered a tumultuous time of transition from evangelicalism to reformed theology. Although I had already become reformed by that time, one could say that my faith was still in shambles. I was truly in the valley of the shadow of death. To be honest, I still don’t know how I came out of it. All I can say is it was entirely the grace of God.
Grace does not necessarily mean prosperity. In fact, when I look back today on the successive tragedies in my life, I find that they are all of grace. Because if I had not been so completely broken, I would not have realized that although I thought I was a Christian, my worldview had not yet been reformed. There are too many things that I learned too late in life, for example that I should love my wife, my children, and my church. As a result, there are some scars that I will carry for my whole life that will not completely heal. The false worldview that was instilled in me as a child was certainly harmful to me, but the nihilistic, “deconstructed” worldview of my teenage years was just as harmful — even more harmful. Living according to this false and empty worldview ruined my life. Only when I was more than thirty years old did I realize that I couldn’t live as an angry youth my whole life. I couldn’t live without restraint like a monkey. Having a worldview is important. You cannot live without one.
However, before you establish a “true” worldview, you will still think that your current worldview is the most correct one, no matter how false or empty it is, and you will maintain it at all costs. Because it is human nature to be willing to read the scriptures that you yourself have chosen, even in tears, but to suspect that others are playing tricks on you when they give you other scriptures. Therefore, so-called “grace” is when an external force outside of yourself destroys your false worldview, either from inside of you or from outside of you, and often it is both.
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Guo Muyun was converted and baptized in college. He taught at the university for 14 years, and was ordained as a Presbyterian minister in 2018. He has been married to his wife, “Rebecca,” for 18 years and is the father of four children.
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Category: Devotional
Date created: 2020
Scripture: Luke 4:1–13
Key terms: contextualization, Chinese culture, sin, worldview, deconstruction
Related Resource: The Primary Colors of Sin Study Guide
